Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Sorry we're taking so long, this weed cake tastes amazing with Tabasco sauce on it.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
