my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
im holly from the hills drunk
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Randomize
