im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
