I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I miss vodka workout Fridays
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
