Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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