I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
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