I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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