Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
My balls are so social today.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
How does it feel to date your dad?
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Randomize
