You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
