So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
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