I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
