i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
We are two peas in an std pod
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Randomize