I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
