Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Still dying that you shit outside
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Randomize
