ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
