Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
