birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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