508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
