wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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