He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
