I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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