First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Randomize
