Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize