i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
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