Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
The Olympian is in my bed
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
