OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
