So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
How naked do you want me to be?
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize