what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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