so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
