butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
