Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
