There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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