he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
