I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
