I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I swear he is my soulmate. He kept feeding me goldfish while we were fucking. Who wouldn't enjoy that while having sex.
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
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