so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
