Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
