Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize