I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Randomize
