she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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