I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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