K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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