she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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