all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
