we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Randomize