I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
