I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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