Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
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