Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like I should have backed off when "I love you" came out on the third date. Now I'm in her bed wondering which door my shrine is behind. Fuck.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Randomize
