he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
