He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
then he tried to convert me to islam
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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