I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
