Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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