Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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