i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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