he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
nutella sex= disaster
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Randomize
