I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
