If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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