I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
