I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Randomize
