I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
Randomize
