I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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