we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
