You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Randomize