i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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