Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Randomize
