quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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