it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
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