it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I'm both gender and math confused
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
