That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
