I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
