This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
