party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Come on in and take your pants off
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