he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
