Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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