imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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