That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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