my mouth tastes like poor choices
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
40s are totally the cure
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Randomize
